;_; I've been sifting through the course book but I need to compose my thoughts somewhere.

Yeah well I registered for a Dynamics, Fluids and Particles System class with my teacher that I have for 3D animation, but I've decided not to take it. Why? Because it's going to be too fucking hard and technical and my brain doesn't comprehend the technical maya stuff (my mom's disappointed about me putting myself down but I'm being realistic). Fina is a harsh grader anyway so I would DEFINITELY end up failing the class if I did decide to try taking it (he gave me a C+ last semester because my character rig wasn't great, and dynamics is much harder than rigging).

Problem is that there's not much choice for me to fill up this slot even though I can take a class from ANY department. There's not many interesting classes left in my department, I refuse to take a modeling class even though it'd probably be nice to learn mudbox and zbrush, and the advanced character animation class right now would just be overkill, since we're going to be doing intense animation exercises all this semester in Fina's class.

I would take the digital photography class where we use photoshop as our digital darkroom (I've worked in a real darkroom before in high school which was fun but I don't want to take a real photo class in the Photography department and have to learn a new building etc) but it conflicts with my stupid honors class, and I don't want to switch to that other one...because this one doesn't sound like it's so much work and the other one could be more XDDDD

So my not so great choices I've picked out?

Computer Art department
-Advanced Adobe Photoshop Techniques- Good? Photoshop's easy and I can do shit at home. This could be a breeze class so I can deal with my more important classes. Bad? Um...from the course description...it sounds like I know most of that stuff already because I've picked up a lot of stuff up over these years....also it's from 9-12am...a time slot that's extremely stressful for me to get to on time. I hate leaving in the morning, hate getting up extra early, hate the crowded public transportation so I end up standing up most of the way and my back starts hurting, and things are so slow in the mornings, it just pisses me off. 12pm or later classes ONLY worked out so much better for me this semester (something my mother hated as well, me purposely avoiding morning classes). Also I have 2 other classes this day and would be in all day basically...I've done 9 to 9 and it sucks.

-Digital Matte Painting- Good? People say it's a less-demanding/less-workload class. Bad? It sounds stupid XD I know how to paint digitally. Also another morning class, see reason's above.

Animation department
-Creating Unforgettable Animation Characters- Good? This sounds useful. Bad? Also same day as those 2 other classes. I don't want to psychoanalyze Bugs Bunny and other cool characters thanks. I hate psychology. Also another morning class, see above again.

Illustration department
-Draw Anything: (Especially From Your Head)- Good? Sounds like something i could use. My drawing from imagination skills suck majorly (yes believe it or not). And it's NOT a morning class. Bad? I don't like the illustration/cartooning department buildings. They're always on the east side (lots of walking because I won't pay for a bus ride across manhattan, that's just stupid) and they're too hot. I sweat in them no matter what I do.

.....I'm not that gung-ho awesome about any of these.....

My academic advisor suggested a portrait class (i guess at random) which although I need portrait work since my faces suck, unless I got to choose what nice faces I wanted to draw (hmm take a wild guess at what I'd keep picking) I just wouldn't do my work XDD I don't sound like a very tolerant person now do I.... XDDDD

I thought maybe take a watercolor class because psh watercolor's fun and easy....but no more nude models FOR THE LOVE OF GOD and my health. My nude drawing class my first year was TRAUMATIZING I TELL YOU!

.....Maybe I should just take a dumb useless "science" class with Tom Gorrell again like I did last semester....


You know what....that actually wouldn't be a half-bad idea. He doesn't make you do ANY work whatsoever! XDDDD Then again I have the worst luck ever and something may backfire on me.

STRESSSSSS.

And I've been anxious over my animation class. I never thought I was THE SHIT with animating...but I do feel I'm better than a lot of people. Like last year with my walk cycle...I think I did pretty damn good and was pretty easy for me to boot, I don't remember anything that anyone did that I thought was OMG AMAZING PUT MY WORK TO SHAME *dies* And the head at RhinoFX kept scrubbing through the cycle because he "really liked it" (probably looking for mistakes which if he found he didn't say anything). But I've been thinking lately....what if i'm not as good as I think I am....what if I'm really just fooling myself, and won't be able to keep up with classwork sufficiently? What happens if....I get into the real industry trying to do character animation, and my stuff ends up looking like shit....or I'm totally not able to keep up (I think I'm a very slow worker with a lot of my stuff). Or even with my thesis....what if I'm unable to get the movement looking acceptable enough (and not that stupid looking over-eased in/out movement like a lot of Advent Children animation) to my high standards? What if...I just can't do it?

I sound so emo, but maybe a good sign is that if I had the computers in front of me right now I'd have the desire to do the projects that he's listed out on the syllabus? Because I do want to try these challenges out (like sneaking into a room, or walk cycle with a person with some sort of disability/abnormality which are some of the later assignments), it's not like I'm dreading them or anything. I guess that's a good sign right?